- Mood:
Content
The road to medical school is unevenly paved: the pot holes are deep and damaging; the smoothness is never enough. I'm finding myself both very happy and very shaken, with no stability between.
If my education were truly the singular matter my concentration had to rest upon, my thoughts surmise I would be more or less stable – perhaps not incredibly happy, but I would have a sense of balance. I do, however, have other obligations that require my attention. My most fervent wish is for those who put the extra, unnecessary stress on me to quit it because I'm overwhelmed as is. I'm also quite sick of being accused of "bitching" how badly I have it from the sources of my cause-effect origin point for said "bitching."
Not one of them has ever set foot into the scientific world. Not one of them has ever felt the tear of the balance between of what has to be and what one wants more than anything.
I don't understand a lot of the time. On one hand, I'm miserable at home, because there's just not a whole lot of love here; I'm also equally as miserable anywhere else, because I have really no place of undeniable homey-ness. His house isn't my own, so I can't count that.
I'm sorry to have updated in this way, but I have absolutely no one to talk to about this. My classmates are really the only few who comprehend the sacrifices needed to survive this program, and so there's a little comfort there, but my family and boyfriend could never really feel the rip as we do.
The best thing about this program is that I'm getting somewhere. My goals are clearly lined up for my career; my outside goals and dreams are also lining up. Heehee. ;]
I've always been too mature for my age, and I still am more mature than most of the people who share my age. I think this serves me well enough, at times; it's also a determent because I am very tense all the time and have few ways of relaxing. When I start to relax a little, I always think, "Oh, my God, there's about fifty other things I can be studying for. Why am I not studying?" And this is pretty much my life.
Class. Studying. Class. Studying. Exams. Class. Studying.
The less occurred includes: Family/Ray, friends, and fun. My sardonic quips get me through quite an array of otherwise nasty situations.
I've also noticed my temper has become, well, less than awesome. I've always had a short fuse to begin with, but it has deteriorated to almost nothing. I become furious when my feelings are ignored. I don't ask for much, but when I do ask for something, it' because I really need it and have had to ask for help; I would not have asked in any other case.
I feel slightly better now. I think since I've cleansed my inside, a shower is appropriate to clean up my outside.
Also, I really miss art, to almost no end. I feel like I've broken up my first great love, and I'll never, ever be able to reclaim that fantastic world.
11/14/09
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"A true critic ought to dwell rather upon excellencies than imperfections, to discover the concealed beauties of a writer, and communicate to the world such things as are worth their observation." - Joseph Addison
thanks!
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"A true critic ought to dwell rather upon excellencies than imperfections, to discover the concealed beauties of a writer, and communicate to the world such things as are worth their observation." - Joseph Addison
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"A true critic ought to dwell rather upon excellencies than imperfections, to discover the concealed beauties of a writer, and communicate to the world such things as are worth their observation." - Joseph Addison
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we will fold and freeze together far away from here.Previous Page12345...Next Page